Frustrations and Thoughts...... Thy Will Be Done!

At church today it was supposed to be combined for RS. It ended up not, and we found this out during Gospel Doctrines... so I hurried and searched online for an article that I could teach. The one I found was from conference a couple years back. It was Uchtdorf's talk from Priesthood session, Continue in Patience. What a wonderful reminder it was for me to be more patient towards my husband. To be more patient with myself. To be more patient with Elidia. To be more patient with the Lord's timing and not have the attitude of "I want this now" and get upset or discouraged when I don't get it.

Well, I ended up not even teaching. Another sister did, that was asked by the Bishop, because she was sitting closest to him during Gospel Doctrine :) The lesson was a talk by Robert D. Hales, Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done. It seemed to go right along with what I was reading and went hand in hand. I just thought that was so great. Well, she did such an awesome job. I love when all the sisters are involved and there is a lot of discussion and comments. So many of them had to do with having children, which was the one thing I kept thinking of as I read the lesson I was preparing. So many sisters were in tears by all the sweet comments shared and I was just so touched and felt like Heavenly Father knew exactly what I needed at that time and what I am struggling with the most right now. Something that really stood out, also, was the sister who gave the opening prayer asked for the teacher to teach what we sister's needed to hear and to be guided by the spirit. Wow! What a great lesson to me because I feel like all the comments and the whole lesson was for me specifically. AND it was a reminder not only do I need to have patience, and be willing to wait upon the Lord's timing.... BUT that maybe I'm not done.....(I explain more on this below.......)

One sister made a comment about having faith and being fervent. I keep telling Sam that I am not going to get my hopes up again about having another child. I told Sam that when I pleaded with my Heavenly Father in prayer, that I had asked over and over to just give me the opportunity once...ONCE, to have that joy of the positive on the pregnancy test, and to be able to tell my parents and Sam's the wonderful news, and to be able to have that huge pregnant belly, and feeling the baby kick......just once....ONCE! I feel and KNOW that I have already had that remarkable blessing, that miracle of that happening and I am so grateful that after years of pleading and mostly remembering to keep the faith in Christ (sometimes I did waver in my faith), it had happened miraculously. I often thought when I was pregnant, that because I didn't include... "and have a healthy baby, to grow old,......etc.." that I pleaded just to be pregnant, that my baby would die before she was born...especially when I got really sick while pregnant. I just knew she was going to be taken from me. Thankfully, that didn't happen! BUT now my question is....is it selfish for me to ask for another? I am struggling so much right now because I really want another child...right now...and I mean in my arms NOW! BUT I feel selfish to ask for another. I feel like since I pleaded with Heavenly Father for just the ONE, that I can't ask anymore because HE had already answered my prayers and gave me the one I asked for. BUT the sister who made the comment about remaining faithful and being fervent, (she wasn't talking about children, just in general) said something that made me think that maybe I am just not having enough faith in Christ. Maybe I am giving up, and the pleading just for one is my excuse. Don't get me wrong, I really do feel so selfish asking for another, when I know darn well that Heavenly Father had answered my prayer, but I can't help but think that maybe I shouldn't feel selfish for wanting to ask to conceive another child. After this lesson, I am going to have to keep reminding myself that it might be a long and hard journey again. That I will need to be patient. I need to wait upon the Lord and His timing. I need to not get discouraged and be content with "waiting." BUT I am still unclear if I should or shouldn't.....? To do or not to do...that is the question!

Anyways, that's just my frustration lately. Wanting another child now has been on my mind since it has once again been over a year of trying. I had a sister at church tell me I need to have another soon so Ellie won't be spoiled...I can't be too mad at this sister, because she is sweet, and has been so kind to me, but I just wanted to come home and cry. If only it was as easy as "okay, let's have a kid" and "POOF"... 10 months later their it is!

Oh well! Lessons like today will hopefully help me keep my sanity and keep away from all my thoughts of why.....or having "woe is me" thoughts... or how long will it take.....or what is the purpose?



"As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.” Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good.”

Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, “O God, where art thou?” Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls a family, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow. Yes, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, “Thy will be done.”




"Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"